commanderinqueef:

today at the park some guy broke his ankle and one of the people said “give him some lettuce” and everyone just stared at him for like 7 seconds until he said “I meant ice”

(via whereareallthesourpatchparents)

theyellovvbrickroad:

i dont even know what im saying half the time its like these words are having sex with each other and reproducing sentences my mouth is just the womb

(via tardisinhogwartsinnarnia)

pitchblackglow:

why have 1 cookie when you could have 6

queerard:

always remember that you are never alone

because you have tiny microscopic organisms lving in your eyelashes

(via uglypeopleputurhandsdown)